Firstly, in light of some recent comments, I would like to reiterate something I wrote in our Golden Globes post:
I now, and we have Jennifer Lawrence to thank for this, feel a bit guilty when I write these things. Being at these awards shows must feel like being in a really glamorous zoo; it must be (and is) so tiresome for actors to always be on show, judged, poked and prodded at. Because of this I feel a bit bad for saying things like “she looks like a huge grey shower sponge” because, well, they probably liked that huge grey shower sponge.
But then again, all this stuff, the dresses, the shoes, the hair, none of it’s real. I can’t be made to feel bad about judging something that is not real can I?
Back to it then.
The 2014 Oscars Red Carpet was problematic to say the least, E! really needs to sort out their Live From The Red Carpet coverage ’cause it’s just getting stupid. I literally (sorry) fast-forwarded through the whole thing pausing only to hear what Lupita had to say and see Jennifer Lawrence take a tumble. Why all the gimmicks E!? First the ‘Stilletto Cam’ then the ‘Mani Cam’, the ‘Style 360’ and now that other stupid thing that I can’t even be bothered to find out the name of. We don’t enjoy them, the Actors don’t enjoy them, Ryan doesn’t even enjoy them. Lets just kill them, Ok?
As for the things we saw on the red carpet, to borrow from Bianca Stratford, I know you can be overwhelmed and you can be underwhelmed but can you ever just be whelmed? Let’s see:
Julia Roberts
Julia has re-grown on me. Not to say I ever disliked her, does anyone dislike Julia Roberts? But I watched this thing called ‘The Oscars Roundtable’ of which she was a part of and she was delightful and laughed at everything.
As for the dress well, we all know how I feel about peplums. I’m not into that modesty lace either.
.
Anne Hathaway
We also all know how I feel about Anne Hathaway but I wont let my personal feelings get in the way of me saying this might be the best she’s ever looked. The fit is perfect, the length is perfect, I’m way into it.
.
Anna Kendrick
Cut-out. Sheer. Midriff. Mullet. NO.
.
Charlize Theron
During Vulture’s live blogging of the Oscars ceremony one writer said ‘I interviewed Charlize once and I can honestly say she is the only person I have met that is so beautiful it’s otherwordly.’ This is true, Charlize does give great face:
But I feel like sometimes that great face makes up for mediocre dress by turning mediocrity into greatness.
.
Margot Robbie
I feel like she stole this Saint Laurent dress from Angelina and for that I will never forgive her (Saint Laurent is Angelina’s go to designer for basically everything). Also she looks like Kim Kardashian here and for that I will never forgive her.
.
Amy Adams
This also has weird peplum flaps which she is hiding with her hands. Otherwise I enjoy the deep blue colour and how well it goes with her red hair and coral earrings.
.
Sandra Bullok
Everyone seemed to really ADORE this look. Which I get, she does look beautiful but the whole thing is a little too typical for me. I’ll never be a fan of that fabric (80’s prom?) and I there is something bugging me about her hair, I wish it were more natural and less.. 80’s prom?
.
Lupitarella
Lupita and her stylist have been killing it all awards season so there were great expectations for Oscar night and I would like nay LOVE to say they delivered BUT – this may be a very unpopular opinion – the headband ruined it.
The dress, the face, the jewels, the girl, all wonderful. The twee headband? We all know she should have left it in the limo.
.
Jessica Beil
Mrs Justin Timberlake got it pretty much perfect tonight which almost makes you forget to wonder why she is even there.
.
Naomi Watts
BEST DRESSED forever and for always.
.
Cate Blanchett
During her acceptance speech she gave thanks to the make up artist on Blue Jasmine for “attempting to make me somewhat attractive” and the whole world was like Bitch Please. But then she said “Hashtag Suck It!” to Julia Roberts (inside joke apparently) and all was well again. Weirdly I have no strong feelings about the dress.
.
Angelina Jolie 
I think that Angelina Jolie is one of the coolest people on the planet but, like I said, I won’t let my personal feelings get in the way of saying this dress is the worst.
Angelina has never been a ‘Style Icon’ as such and if I am honest, she has only really had a few great red carpet moments (most of which were when she was pregnant) so maybe I shouldn’t have been so disappointed.
I also know that she definitely doesn’t give two fucks about the red carpet circus but still… Couldn’t she at least worn the red one?
WHYYYYYYYY????!!
.
Jennifer Lawrence
Again with the peplum flaps (please god do not let peplum flaps become a thing). Or maybe these are more like hip napkins (pIease god do not let hip napkins become a thing).
Had this been sans peplum flaps/hip napkins it would have, could have been amazing and might’ve even caused me to overlook that hair. Don’t ever let them do that to you again Jennifer.
.
Lucy Korn
